Annoying blackouts

I think all day what Iam going to write in for my blog. All the frustrating thoughts, the annoying thoughts, my dreams, literally all my thoughts and when I finally, after all the struggle, get the computer my mind goes blank. Absolutely blank which is quiet depressing because these thoughts are what keep my head occupied for days and days.

Atleast one good thing that has happened these days is that Iam sure of two things, I love Meredith and she went to Canada for good. It has brought us closer.  I have my best times with her. She is my sister.

Another thing that surprises me is,as Iam growing, I enjoy  experiencing the unpredicitability of life. It is the wierdest experience.These things are what I think of all and what they turn out to be. One thing I have realised is that no matter what, God has been very kind to me when Hehas  wanted to give me something or anything. He has His own way of making me happy and He does make me wait to test my patience but He really knows how to surprise me in the end.

I have mixed feelings for the ipod offer from Meredith. Theres overwhelmimg joy, sadness and confusion. Joy because Ive ALWAYS wanted one, sadness is there because its hers and I dont think I can take it without buying it from her and therefore Iam confused. 

It is one of the complicated issues. Lets see what happens. She has also offered her Remington straightner which is very kind of her because mine is not as good as hers and she just got her hair bonded. It looks amazing. Ive taken these offers as a signal that maybe He's found an ipod for me but Iam not sure. 

The best thing about His surprises is that He throws alot of surprises at once and makes an entire month a happy month. Like He arranged 5K for me and the black dress. Last year He did it by getting me first position in the country and getting my card poublished. The prize money was yummy. Then the job at HX. With all that money I got stuff I REALLY wanted.

Thank you. I love you